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When planning an epic journey spanning many weeks, there is always some tolerance for the unexpected but you don’t expect the unexpected on day one

Arrived at “my home” for the next two weeks, the Hotel Villa Anthea, and everything is better than expected, comfortable rooms, great location and warm friendly helpful staff.

But…….lets just go back a little bit…..after 25 plus hours of flying and transit, I arrived at the Avis counter at Milan Licante airport with the duly printed copy of the car hire voucher, after much delay and discussion it was agreed that the Avis address was correct but the rental contract was with Hertz……. oops….

So off to Hertz which at best could be described as in total disarray, a cacophony of chaos, confusion and pain – they have adopted a press bottom machine which provides a number for the next customer – refer to my next section for my observations on queuing and the theory applied to  the car rental sector in Italy

So after much filly fally, boondoggling and buggering around  I use these phrases sparingly – because more than 2 hours had passed since my arrival and I am no nearer to getting a vehicle – Avis did stroll over and offer a vehicle but at high seasonal rates

Hertz are not sure if they have my booking but they are sure that they don’t have the car I had booked and paid for…. now that’s problem

I got a Fiat PANDA …..cars can have inspiring names; names like Ford Mustang and Aston Martin Vanquish stir the soul.

But what about the

• Mitsubishi Pistachio
• Renault Lear
• Isuzu Pup
• Great Wall Wangle

and now of course the Fiat Panda joins that esteem list

The saga continued for a couple of days “sorry sir our apologise but we will give you a modest meaningless credit “– hey pal, firstly what about the price difference between my car and the cheap and nasty piece you provided……. Finally the old “ I have discussed with regional manager” reference was made, meaning I think we are screwed –  a generous refund provided which means I get the car plus GPS plus full risk insurance for the original price… I still might renegotiate when I return next week just because I can, and I already have the Amex payment “in dispute” – I look forward to the next discussion

Now to the art of queuing

Queuing theory is the mathematical study of waiting lines, or queues, a queuing model is constructed so that queue lengths and waiting time can be predicted. Queuing theory has its origins in research by Agner Krarup Erlang when he created models to describe the Copenhagen telephone exchange. The ideas have since seen applications in a wide range of familiar activities. I make the following observation regarding our European friends and the art of queuing

Lufthansa do the right thing with friendly but firm messages how this queuing thing is going to happen, before a flight – it goes young children, elderly, First Class, Business Class and then the rest….. easy peasy

The masses, on the formal directional announcement do respond, but surprisingly by not forming a designated queue structure which is contrary to the instructions, but everyone stands in a wall configuration near the defined access points. This action prevents anyone with an entitlement and opportunity to enter the plane, this is clearly on the basis that if no one boards early then they (the masses) would have serviced the greater good and achieved their objective.

The penetrating of the wall with my Business Class boarding pass requires deft movement through the blocking seething mass, a left, a right and a twirl, a quick repetition of scusi scusi and I am through…

The Italian model is slightly different, the pressing of the previously mentioned button of the ticket machine is an option for Italians but not obligatory to get served, it is there for tourists – the delay at my car hire status review was consistently interrupted by other customers wishing  to seek assistance without a ticket or the aforesaid number

The highlight was when one animated verbose gentleman was sent away he returned 15 minutes later insisting that number held in the hand of a bemused Scandinavian tourist was actually his number as he was here before – chaos quickly ensured but I missed the outcome as I was heading to my Panda and passenger in the gutter

I did bump into a hot and sweaty English family looking for their car in parking bay 101, which was a surprise as they were only numbered to 40, maybe it was at the other Milan airport?

Lake Garda ~ literati

Writers have sung Garda’s praises over the centuries. Halfway down, at Gargnano, DH Lawrence and Frieda lived for several months – a marble plaque identifies the house. “The lake lies dim and milky,” Lawrence wrote, “the mountains are dark blue… the sky glistens… the light burns gold.”

As you have no doubt picked up there is some strong synchronicity between the words that I present and those of DH, we are literarily aligned

A bit more  of DH  to set the scene

As the lake widens, it changes character, with almost Mediterranean settings of open-air cafés, pebble beaches and picturesque harbours, a Janus-faced landscape as fir and pine trees give way to olive and lemon groves.

Lawrence wrote of the “exquisite scent of lemon flowers”, and described ancient limonaie – huge greenhouses with removable roof planks to protect the trees in winter.

I am also at one with the Latin poet  Virgil, “the waters could heave with waves and roar like a sea in tempest”.

So the scene is set for more engrossing literary hyperbole – thanks guys

Now back to the easy walk to Rocca Vecchia .. it was… well we got a little lost trying the take the HERO shot, no major damage done .the rocks are very smooth from the hundreds and hundreds of years of military sandals marching up to the defensive position at the top of the hill including ….. firstly the Lombardi’s in 600 bc followed by the Huns, Romans and then the well known Emporer Otto IV then of course the normal Middle Ages mish mash and finished up with the Italians and Germans occupying it at various stages in various wars

An energetic young German mountain biker hit the shiny smooth rock with no traction and down he went – I was going to film the ‘going down’ and recording the failure of a fellow cyclist but my kinder or is that kinder virtue kicked in and I helped his damaged torso, utter humiliation and gross incapacity pack to his feet – my smugness was not needed as I went down 10 minutes later fortunately no witnesses just a wack to the hand and elbow hopefully nothing serious…

But it does raise another important question “collective nouns” nothing from the masses in relation to a suitable collective for muses what about the collective noun for marching military sandals – that one for the coffee breaks folks –there is a prize

There are 95 restaurants and cafes in Garda – I would say that all the menus are similar except for the unique and busiest Cucina Thai, the rest have a sliding scale of price – nearer the water, more Germans then higher the price, as you move away from the lake frontage the food becomes more authentic and no 3 language menus are to be seen

Generally the food is good, but I have adopted my local can’t be bothered attitude and wander aimlessly up and down the foreshore in the evening to find a suitable eatery

The best of best so far

• Lido Garda Beach Café
• Astoria al Porto
• All’ancora
• Ristorante ll’ Merlo Nero
• Pizzeria Ristorante All Grotto
• Trattoria Molini

And my local Pegaso, it has a sport bar full of highly excitable locals

Just as a closing note on the social media tools and how to achieve REACH, I received this reality check with a number of instagram accounts – including Paul Flart

I will not say a word except to confirm that it is my intention – to take some nice photos, create a wide range of incongruous and unconnected thoughts and post them – the thought to become one of them has been dispatched for now and ever more.

I could put the word Bitcoin into my hashtags and get immediate traction with hundreds of followers …but why??

Now the activity plan for my sojourn in Lago Garda has been firmed up including

• Road cycling, I will be keeping to the right side of the lake the other side is big – but these hills are BIG enough probably stick to the main road
• Mountain bike riding – booked for Friday – hope we don’t go near the icy smooth rocks
• Touring the lake by ferry
• Sailing
• Cheese making – this weekend
• Ultra light flying – not sure if the world needs to see an old fellow crap himself – awaiting permission to proceed
• Kayaking still a maybe?
• Wine tasting on the list

so ends the first week….54 followers in Insta ~ 22 feed posts…. too much too little?